Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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