Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
