Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
