We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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