took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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