It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Actions speak louder than pants.
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When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
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Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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