in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
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As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
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you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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