im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
