final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
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I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
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do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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