At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He better not be in your backpack
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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