She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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