There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
