I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
