why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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