I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
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you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
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There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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