There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
