i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
