speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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