I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
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The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
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That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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