i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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