You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
