I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
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I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
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But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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