Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
