dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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