so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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