so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
