After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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