Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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