He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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