in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
