there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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