I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
