She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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