shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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