smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I cannot find my penis.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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