Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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