I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
