I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm bleeding and have questions
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
