don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
