so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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