Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
