were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He passed out mid-signature
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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