I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
