Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
