Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
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