wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize