Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
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Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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