I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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