I hate your face
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
