I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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