in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
