This is not my ceiling
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He passed out mid-signature
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
