I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
