I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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