I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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