he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
