what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
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