u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
