Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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