If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
